Time...

I referenced this in my last post. I was going through my old email and found this sent to me by Steve in 2004. What a true blessing he was!


To realize:
The value of a sister or a brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.


To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.


To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.


To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.


To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.


To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to
A premature baby.


To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.


To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.


To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.


To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.


To realize
The value of one millisecond
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics


Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.


To realize the value of a true friend:
Lose one.




Oh how I miss him. Hug those who you love and let them know how truly special they are to you.

Like Father/Like Son

I truly have been on a roller coaster of emotions this weekend. It's been eight weeks since Steve passed, eight weeks...at times it seems like 8 months or 8 years and at times it feels like 8 minutes, 8 hours, or 8 days...not 8 weeks. I can remember reading an email about how the passing of time can mean such different things to people and now I am living just that. I worry about when I will stop counting the weeks and what that will mean.

Spencer was asked to play in a drumline during our church service this weekend. Oh how proud I was...he was so nervous, but truly he did an outstanding job. It was also heart wrenching because it made me realize that he and Steve never got to play together....something I know that Steve would have loved, as well as Spencer. I know that he was smiling down on Spencer today.

Love the hand motion in this one... caught in the act. Thanks to all who came out to support us.

The Foundation

I have often caught myself wondering why I am not a puddle on the floor. I mean I lost the love of my life and best friend 7 weeks ago. Sure I have hard times and times that bring me to my knees, but I am trudging forward one day at a time. I am surviving to the best of my ability. I wonder sometimes if I am grieving correctly because it not only affects my life but my children's life. I truly feel like I am under a microscope with everyone watching me.

It wasn't until today in church that it all became pretty clear to me. The sermon was wonderful, but truly after Jim read the scripture, I had a hard time focusing on what else he said...it was truly an "AHH HAAA" moment for me. Here is the scripture he read: Matthew 7:24-27

24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

Jim simply said just because you have your faith does not mean that horrible things won't happen to you. We all will have bad things happen to us, but what gets you through is your faith. It hit me hard...I had a HUGE storm in my life and my "house" could have fallen with a great crash, but because Steve helped lay a foundation of faith for our family we are making it...to the best of our abilities.

Please understand I have not always had a relationship with Christ. I attended youth group growing up, but that was more or less for the fun activities they had planned. I didn't go to church regularly in high school and when I was in college sleeping in was a better choice. When Steve and I first met he was a man of faith. I started attending the church he grew up in, but as time passed God led us to find a church that was fitting for the two of us....and He led us to the Lee's Summit United Methodist Church. Steve helped me to become involved and encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and to attend meetings and volunteer my time. What a blessing. Had he not helped me build my "home" on a rock I truly do not know where I would be today.

If you live in the area, I would love for you to visit our church, but truly this isn't about you coming to my church, it's about you finding a place that you feel God's spirit so you can begin to build your "house" on a rock. There will be storms in all of our lives and we must remain strong in our faith to endure those storms.

Waffles

Interesting title huh? Who would have ever thought that waffles could make a person cry? This morning Spencer was making himself breakfast and he pulled out of the freezer a bag of waffles. Now these weren't just your ordinary waffles you see...These were Steve's waffles. Steve LOVED and I mean LOVED waffles. I on the other hand am not a huge fan of waffles...not because I don't like the taste, but I cannot stand the smell of them cooking. It's not the waffles themselves cooking, but the oil on the waffle maker I can't stand. So why would waffles make me cry, I mean besides the obvious that Steve made them. It reminded me of all the little things he did to make me happy. You see, he would set up the waffle maker on the screened in porch in order to keep the smell out of the house. Those little things that he did, that I truly did not appreciate until it was too late. So today, take a moment and find something that someone does for you just because they love you and care and thank them...no matter how small that may be.

One more thing, waffles also reminds me of all the movies that Steve would quote, and boy he could quote many...see if you can guess what movie this comes from "And in the morning we will make waffles." Take time to appreciate life and all that it encompasses.

Once again

I have always been an on the go type of person, but since Steve's passing I truly find the most comforting place is at home. Truly if I am not at work or running the kids to their activites then I want to be at home, as there is just a sense of peace here. On Friday I dropped by the funeral home to pick up more thank you notes and also got to pick up Steve. It made it all so final. When Spencer and Sydney got home from school I asked if they wanted to see his ashes and Sydney said she did not. Spencer said he wanted to look at them on Father's Day. They truly amaze me with their thinking. Sydney at one point said she did not want to bury the ashes because if we ever moved we couldn't take him with us. Their perspective is truly amazing.

After Steve passed my sister Kim shared with us that she was expecting. I cannot tell you how happy this made my heart in all the sadness that we were facing at the time. However, early this morning Kim suffered a miscarriage and I am grieving yet another loss. It truly makes me think how much more can I take? The only comfort I can hold on to is that my dear sweet husband has embraced this baby in his arms and is going to take care of this precious soul that we never got to meet. Please keep my sister Kim and her husband Vance and son Gregory in your prayers as they cope with this loss. I love you Kim and wish I could take all your pain away.

It happens in a blink...

I am finding it difficult to believe that it has been 4 weeks since Steve's accident. At times it seems like it has been longer, yet at other times it seems just like yesterday. I feel like I have been dealing with the banks and life insurance for MONTHS...yet it has only been weeks. I feel blessed that I was married to such a smart financial man. Many people rely only on the life insurance that is provided to them through their employer. But Steve, wow.. I think we had not even been married a year when we set up additional life insurance, what a true blessing. It is something that you hope you will never need to use, but in my case, I am so glad he had the foresight to go ahead and take care of this for us and for our children. If you need a great Life Insurance guy let me know...ours has been WONDERFUL through all of this---he even makes house calls.

Another thing that he did about 7 years ago is to set up a Trust, where all our assets would go in case something happened to either one of us...this has kept us out of probate and has had many other benefits. I truly remember him trying to explain this to me, but I didn't get it...but "trusted" him so I signed the papers. What a gem I had!

I was telling my dad this morning that one of the most frustrating things for me at this point is the fact that I cannot remember anything or think straight. I am glad my cell phone has a calendar on it, as most days I am not even sure of the day of the week, much less the date. For any of you who know me...I am a details person, I don't miss much. But wow! This has thrown me for a loop. So be patient with me and give me some grace because truly I may not intentionally do something..just kindly remind me of things that I should or should not be doing. There are so many people that have asked "what can I do to help?" Truly, my brain is not functioning like that right now, I am not thinking of the future...just trying to get through the day. So please don't think I don't need your help, as I am living moment by moment...so if you think of something or see something that needs to be done..do it or ask me specific things, as I may not be thinking about that particular thing. For instance, I had a very nice friend and mom to one of Spencer's friends that emailed me and told me she picked up Spencer's band book...ummm didn't even realize he needed one...I am sure he told me, but it didn't get written down, so it didn't get remembered.(Thanks Andrea!) So if you tell me something and it's important...make sure I write it down or call and remind me a few times. Truly I am grateful for all the love and support I have had, it has been amazing. If you are ever in the neighborhood come by and chat and sit for awhile...as that brings much comfort to me.

One more update. I have had several people ask about Sam's diet...Yes I am still doing her diet. It is going good----not perfect, but good. With all the stress, I would be foolish to think we would be seizure free at this point. We need prayers for her not to be so stinkin stubborn and to eat her food. It's a control game with her and she likes to store her food in her mouth. If she doesn't eat the food, then there isn't enough fat in her body to help control the seizures...so truly we do need prayers for her. We have seen a reduction in seizures but they have not been eliminated yet. We go Thursday for a "check-up". I am hopeful that at the end of three months we will be seizure free. But one of the best benefits we have seen..... the night Steve passed she slept through the night and has ever since....some think it's the diet......me........I think it's because her daddy is with her at night. Thanks honey!

Happy Birthday Steve

Today started the year of firsts for us...First birthday to celebrate without my dear sweet husband. Steve was never big on celebrating his birthday, but always went along for the kids sake. We decided to celebrate Steve style. We stopped and bought balloons and the kids tied a note to theirs to send to Steve. Next stop...go kart riding...that is where we released the balloons. Steve loved and I mean LOVED to ride go karts. He was such a nice, caring and compassionate man---except on the go kart course and then it was all or nothing! Today riding was fun and sad all at the same time but yet healing to our soul. We then headed to go and see Toy Story 3...a movie we said we were going to take in before school started. Steve would have loved this movie with all the puns. Our evening finished off with Spencer's Boy Scout Court of Honor where he received 10 merit badges....ones that he had earned at camp this summer with Steve. It was a hard day for all but we have vowed that every August 23rd we will ride go karts and watch Toy Story 3...oh yeah and have a silly string fight.




















I love you Steve and always will. I hope you enjoyed your birthday...I know we enjoyed celebrating and remembering you. Hugs and kisses....