This year has been full of so many huge milestones, milestones that he missed. He missed move-in day at college, homecoming, parents weekend, Spencer becoming a part of a fraternity, meeting a very special person in his life, and watching him grow into an amazing young man. Seeing the transformation of Spencer this past year is what every parent hopes and prays for. He has always been a strong and independent person, but seeing him use his talents and knowledge has been wonderful. He finished his first year of college debt-free, all because he put his mind to it and applied for scholarships and figured out ways to accomplish this goal. He's on the same path for his sophomore year. Proud doesn't even describe how I feel. The conversations we have now... the adult conversations we have makes my head spin but oh how happy they make me all at the same time. As I have said so many times in the past, just looking at Spencer is a reminder every day of Steve. It's amazing how many mannerisms he has that Steve had, they make me laugh and catch my breath all at the same time.
What a transformation year it has been for Sydney. Watching her grow into an amazing young lady has been wonderful. The changes I have seen in her this last year is so heartwarming. Watching her grow in her faith, and being the hands and feet of Christ makes me swell with pride. She has been the faithful servant this year, teaching Spencer and I a few things. Steve was always so good at reading people and knew what they needed without them saying anything, a trait Sydney for sure got from him. She may have even gotten a touch of his perfectionism from him as well, not a bad trait to have. She pushes herself with her studies and has already mapped out her last 2 years of high school to put her on track to graduate with her CNA Degree. Remembering back to when Steve and I first met in college, her intensity reminds me so much of him. One major milestone he missed this year in her life is watching her get her driver's license. I got to stand by myself as she drove away by herself for the very first time. Sydney is also rocking it on the volleyball court. These past 2 years I have truly loved watching her grow as a player. She plays with such passion and heart. He's missed so much of her childhood, so much of who she has become.
Eight years ago we had only been home 3 days from the hospital, where we were to initiate the Ketogenic Diet for Sam. A decision that we had made together as a couple to do to help Sam, full well knowing how intense and difficult it was going to be. Little did we know it would be me to carry out this task. In October of last year, we made a huge change in Sam's life. We switched to a new neurologist. A neurologist that specializes in CBD oil. Sam's former neuro kept pushing new medications. As a mom, it was heart-wrenching making these decisions and not knowing what future implications it could have on her. With the encouragement of my sister in law, we made the switch. A little education for those who don't know about CBD oil, yes it comes from marijuana, no it does not have anything in it to make her high. After going through all the legal hoops we needed to for the state, we were approved and started in November. By January we were seeing more seizure-free days than we had ever seen, not completely seizure-free, but so much better than we were. It was then that the neuro decided to pull one of her seizure meds. Oh, this made me nervous. By May she was completely weaned. We still had some seizure days and some seizure-free days. Just recently he has decided to wean from her final seizure med. We are in the process of doing this and won't be completely off the medicine until mid-September. So far things are progressing well. A new thing for Sam this year was that she played T-Ball. There are no words to describe how it feels as a parent to see your child doing something that most normal kids do, something that you never thought would happen. While she may not get how the game is supposed to be played this girl had THE most spirit on the field! I am sure that Steve would have been helping out if he were here. The changes we have seen in this child in the last 6 months is nothing short of miraculous. Steve would be so stinkin proud of her. He was always her biggest cheerleader.....and he is missing it.
Please know I know he is watching over us, but his physical absence is heart-wrenching at times, and this year was full of moments that I wish he was here to celebrate with us. I know that we have SO many blessings, but please allow me to also be raw and honest with you about the not so pretty side that we go through too.
So I will leave you with some lyrics from Cole Swindell's song:
You should be here, standing with your arm around me here
Saying cheers, hey y'all it's sure been a good year
It's one of those moments, that's got your name written all over it
And you know that if I had just one wish it'd
Be that you didn't have to miss this.
You should be here
You'd be lovin' this
You'd be freakin' out
You'd be smilin'
Yeah, I know you'd be all about
What's goin' on right here, right now
God, I wish somehow
You could be here
Aw, you should be here
