It's been one of those days that you wish you would get a letter in the mail warning you about... Crappy day on April 22nd take precaution. But it doesn't work that way.... Please don't send me messages and tell me how blessed I am...I know I am, but I am also entitled to crappy days every once in awhile, as I am human.
Today we celebrated the life of one of the most amazing women I know. She is the one that drew Steve into the praise band at church, that helped him find one of his many passions. I truly think that by Steve becoming a part of this wonderful group it was the pivital point in our faith journey. It is what got us hooked on being a part of something bigger. For that I am so blessed.
As we celebrated her life it was one of the most painful experiences that I have sat through...as I sat in that same place almost 2 years ago. My heart ached...ached on so many levels....ached for her husband, children, parents, family, friends and for her church family as well. But ached because I stood there by myself feeling this pain...while having Spencer and Sydney there was comforting, it by no means is any comparison to having that person standing by you that KNOWS you from the inside out and hurts because you hurt. I miss that, I miss that more than I ever care to let on..... It made me want to scream this is not the life I had envisioned for myself or for my children. This sucks!!! I know I am not in control and that I don't always know what the big picture looks like, and I say this because I know God can take it and will still love me any way....as long as I don't stay stuck here. I miss him.....miss the connections....miss him.
