A New Chapter: Small Steps, BIG Miracles

 

Social media is tricky.  It gives us the ability 

to connect, to celebrate, and to share the 

moments that bring joy.  But it also creates

a false sense of reality.  As they say, it's 

the highlight reel.  What you don't see are the 

long nights, the tears, the struggles behind the

camera.  Who wants to air their dirty 

laundry, right???

Well, today I am. Because if it helps even one other parent, it will be worth it.

When people see photos or videos of Sam, they see the joyful, exuberant girl she can be. Her smile is contagious, her love of life undeniable. And that’s absolutely her….for about 90% of the time.

But the other 10%? It’s brutal. And most never see that side.

Sam is 19, and for the majority of those 19 years, she hasn’t slept through the night. Which means I haven’t either. We’ve tried everything, therapies, routines, supplements, sleep studies...you name it, we have tried it. Most nights, I run on four hours of sleep or less. I think my body has just adapted to this new normal. It’s like some strange, reluctant superpower I never asked for.

Then there’s the issue no one wants to talk about…bowel movements. Anyone with a special needs child knows it's rarely "regular". Sam was lucky if she went twice a week. We tried everything to help her, but nothing seemed to work. I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable she must have felt.

Sam is nonverbal for the most part. She has a limited vocabulary and while we’ve never had a formal diagnosis, I know she shows strong autistic tendencies. One of her greatest struggles is emotional regulation. She can go from zero to 100 in seconds. And when that switch flips, it can lead to full-blown meltdowns...loud, intense, and sometimes heartbreaking to witness.

Thankfully, most of these happen at home, where she’s safest. Once a meltdown begins, there’s no shortcut, no magic reset button. It has to run its course. Sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes closer to an hour. But when you’re in the thick of it, it feels like a lifetime. You hold on, you breathe, and you wait for the storm to pass.

Last August, during another middle-of-the-night scroll through Facebook, I came across a podcast posted in one of the epilepsy groups I follow. With Sam awake beside me, I popped in my AirPods and hit play.

What I heard pulled me in. It felt different. I kept listening….episode after episode. The doctor behind the podcast was a neurologically focused chiropractor. Could this be the missing puzzle piece we’d been searching for?

I did some digging and found someone in our area trained under this doctor’s approach. I made an appointment. I held my breath.

I want to be clear: I know Sam will never function like most 19-year-olds. That’s not the goal. My hope has always been to give her the best quality of life possible—whatever that looks like for her.

This chiropractor uses three simple scans to identify dysfunction in the nervous system and gently target those areas. That was the only change we made. No new meds. No diet overhaul. Just this.

And the changes? Remarkable.

She became more regular, going from twice a week to once a day. Her seizures decreased. No, she’s not seizure-free, and probably never will be due to her genetic disorder, but it’s a huge improvement.

Next came emotional regulation. Meltdowns that used to happen multiple times a week now only happen once or twice a month, and usually around her period (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t struggle with that?). Even more amazing, she’s learning to calm herself. The episodes are less intense, and we’re seeing signs of emotional growth we hadn’t before.

Then came something completely unexpected: curiosity. One day while driving, Sam kept repeating “flag.” Just for fun, I asked, “What does flag start with?” Without missing a beat, she looked at me and said, “F.”

I was floored.

I kept testing other words…and she knew them. All this time, so much was inside her, just waiting for a way out.

But the biggest shift of all? She’s sleeping through the night. In her own bed. In her own room. For over a month now.

I didn’t want to say anything too soon, in case it was just a fluke. But it’s real. And while I’m not quite sleeping through the night yet….I still peek at the monitor more than I care to admit. I’m hopeful that restful nights are just around the corner for me, too.

You might be wondering how I know it’s the chiropractic care that’s making the difference. The answer is simple: we changed nothing else.

If you're curious, check out PXDocs on YouTube or visit their website. You’ll find stories, science, and maybe even something that helps your own child or even you.  They help adults too! 

I’m sharing this because someone else shared it with me. In the middle of the night. When I was exhausted, hopeless, and scrolling for answers.

If that person hadn’t posted, I wouldn’t be writing this today. I wouldn’t be airing our behind-the-scenes life. I wouldn’t have seen the changes I’ve seen in Sam.

If any part of this has piqued your interest,

I’d be more tham happy to chat with you

about the process, the cost, what to

expect, and where we go. It’s not a

one-size-fits-all solution, but for us, it’s been

nothing short of life-changing. You don’t have

to walk this journey alone. If I can be a

resource, a sounding board,or simply someone

who gets it, I’m here.

Their motto is "Expect Miracles."

And for the first time in a long time, I truly believe in that.

Sam’s always been 90% joy, 10% challenge.
But now, we’re seeing that 90% stretch
even further. Here’s to continued progress,
to celebrating the small wins, and to believing
that even more is possible. Here’s to increasing
things to more than 90%!

Trust me….. No, seriously, TRUST me…

 

Some would say I have been through the school of hard knocks, and while I would agree with them, I have been blessed to have some pretty amazing people as my teachers.  

When Steve left Sprint in 2002, one of the unexpected “perks” of his severance package was access to legal services to set up a revocable trust. I was in my early 30s at the time and honestly had no idea what a revocable trust even was. I left all of that to Steve—he was the planner. To be completely honest, I thought it was a bit overkill for our age. We were young, healthy, and it felt unnecessary.

But just a few years later, when Steve was taken from us far too soon, that trust became invaluable. Even then, I didn’t fully grasp the significance of what we had in place. Thankfully, I was surrounded by people who guided me through the storm, and everything unfolded smoothly. At the time, I assumed that’s just how it went for everyone.

It wasn’t until 14 years later—when we lost both of my parents just 76 hours apart—that the true value of having a trust hit me like a ton of bricks. Back in 2019, my sisters and I had met with a lawyer to evaluate whether our parents needed a trust. After reviewing their assets and investments, we collectively decided it wasn’t necessary.

What we couldn’t have predicted was how quickly life would change. Losing both parents so close together left no time to transfer anything into my mom’s name. It wasn’t anyone’s fault—just heartbreaking timing. We ended up spending a significant amount of time and money trying to avoid probate. All of it—every complication, every dollar—could have been avoided with a trust.

Now that we’ve finally closed my parents’ estate, I wanted to take a moment to share a few lessons I’ve learned—especially when it comes to estate planning. My hope is to help others understand why, if given the choice, I would absolutely choose a trust over a will. While there’s certainly a time and place for a will, a trust can often accomplish the same goals with far fewer complications. Through my own experiences, I’ve come to see the real benefits a trust can offer—and I want to help others see them too.

Let’s break it down in simple terms. A will is a legal document that tells everyone who gets your “stuff” after you pass away. But here’s the catch: the process of distributing that stuff has to go through the court system, and that’s called probate. You can write your own will online or hire a lawyer to do it for you. The cost can range from $0 if you do it yourself, to $1,000+ if you hire a lawyer, depending on how big your estate is.

So, what’s an estate? I didn’t really get that term at first, but it’s actually pretty simple. Your estate is everything you own when you pass away—your house, car, money, investments, and personal belongings. The cost to go through probate can vary a lot. For a small estate, it could cost anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000. But if you have a larger estate, it can easily climb to $50,000 or more. Probate can be a real headache. It’s not just expensive—it can also drag on forever. The process can take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years or more, depending on how complicated things are. And during that time, you’ll be paying court fees, lawyer costs, and possibly dealing with a lot of back-and-forth paperwork. The hardest part? You won’t have access to any of the assets until probate is officially settled. It’s a long wait at a time when most families just want to grieve and move forward.

 One big reason I always tell people to have a will is if they have young children. A will lets you name who would take care of your children if something were to happen to you. It’s one of the most important decisions you can make to ensure your children are looked after by someone you trust. You can also do this in a trust, but with some added benefits that I will explain. 

There are a few different types of trusts, but today I’m focusing on the revocable trust, since it’s the most common choice when people are planning their estates. A trust is a legal tool that lets you choose someone to manage your property or money for the benefit of another person—called a beneficiary.

If you decide to create a trust, the cost can vary. If you’re doing it yourself online, it could cost anywhere from $150 to $500. But if you hire a lawyer, the cost usually ranges from $1,500 to $3,000+.

As life changes—whether you have children or acquire more assets—you’ll want to update your trust. The cost to update it with a lawyer typically runs between $300 and $1,500, though it can be more depending on the complexity of the changes. For simple updates like changing beneficiaries or adding assets, you’ll pay less. But if you’re making bigger changes, such as restructuring the trust or adding tax planning provisions, the cost could go up.

One great feature of a will is that it allows you to name a guardian for your children. The good news is, you can do that in a trust as well. The key difference, though, is that a trust also lets you decide how your assets will be used for your children’s care, whereas a will simply names the guardian.

Clear as mud now, huh?  But here’s the bottom line:

While a will might seem like the cheaper option upfront, it can end up costing you or your loved ones a lot more in the long run—especially if the estate has to go through probate. Probate fees, court costs, and attorney fees can really add up and, in many cases, end up being more than what it would’ve cost to set up a trust to begin with. This was the case when trying to settle my parents estate.

And here's another big difference: Wills and the probate process are public—anyone can look them up. A trust, on the other hand, is completely private, keeping your personal and financial matters out of the spotlight.

Moral of the story? Planning ahead might cost a little more upfront, but it can save your loved ones time, money, and stress down the road. A trust not only helps avoid the expensive and public probate process, but it also gives you more control over how your assets are handled—especially when it comes to caring for your children. In the end, it’s about making things as smooth and simple as possible for the people you love.

If you aren't sure where to begin, but you know you need to do something, reach out and I can help!

18 Hits Harder With a Special Need Daughter

 

While 18 marks a huge milestone for many children and parents, it’s quite different when your child has special needs.  Instead of it marking the passage into “adulthood”, it is instead having your child served with papers that states “ a petition has been filed alleging you are incapable of caring for yourself and/or of managing your property”. To see that in black and white, it hits hard.  While I have always known Sam would forever be in my care, sometimes it just hits harder than others.  

About 6 months ago I started the process to retain guardianship and conservatorship of Sam.  This entailed meeting with a lawyer.  We had to obtain a letter from her doctor stating that she is unable to care for herself and that it is best that she have someone with her at all times.  What is crazy is that I have to pay for my lawyer, a lawyer for her, and court costs so they can determine that I am still ok to take care of her, otherwise, she would become the responsibility of the state.  To say that this has been an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. As a parent of a special needs child you are fully aware of what they are not capable of, but to have to put that in writing and then fight for the right to continue to care for them is difficult.   I don’t write this for sympathy, I write this to give a perspective of what many can’t even begin to understand.  

At this time in most parent's lives, they are dreaming about being empty nesters.  The time when you can just pick up and go, be spontaneous and carefree.  That is something Brian and I will never experience. While we all know that Sam brings so much joy to our lives, it would be remiss to say that it isn’t exhausting being her caretaker 24/7.  Sam still doesn’t sleep through the night…..in the last 16 months, she has slept until 5 a.m. a total of 5 times.  All other times she is up during the middle of that night… so that means that I also have not slept through the night in a VERY long time.  Sam also has high anxiety at times so this requires us to be on our toes constantly and to be thinking 10 steps ahead in order to prevent a meltdown.. She still has to have help with bathing, dressing, and pretty much all daily living tasks.  

There are many times that I cannot add one more thing to my plate. My brain is constantly on, it never has a break.  I am exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally many days, but I get up put a smile on my face, and truly try to see the blessings in life.  One of those blessings is that Sam doesn’t comprehend what she is missing out on, she just loves life.  I will continue to advocate for her, help her, love her, and be there for her but sometimes it just makes me sad that I am having to do this.  I want her to have independence but I know that she will forever be dependent on someone else.  

Please don’t think I am discounting all the blessings I know that surround me, I’m just having a moment and embracing the feelings that come with it so I can move forward. 

1 Year and Many More to Come

 When you have a second chance at love you do things differently.  After Steve passed my main focus was raising my children. I would often pray that God would send me someone when the time was right.  Almost ten years later the timing was right. I was scared and  I questioned God often. While Brian and I had met almost 19 years prior, the time was not right. God had to put a few more pieces together for our worlds to collide.  

What started out as two people killing time during Covid with text conversations, it quickly became a friendship that turned into oh so much more. From the beginning we have been fully transparent with one another. This created a strong foundation on which we have built our relationship

From the beginning our relationship has come easy. I attribute this to us both having loved and lost. When you go through something so traumatic it changes you as a person and changes how you view the world.  You reflect deeply on how you would change things if you could and that causes you to do better. Love is not a feeling but a verb and you must show that love each and everyday. 

While this is not how we thought our lives would unfold we have embraced what God had laid before us. Steve and Debbie are brought up often. We share stories and memories and honor them. We truly feel blessed to love again and are so thankful we found each other. What a blessing it is to love again. 

Today marks one year since we said “I do”. It’s been a wonderful year growing together and making memories. Often times Brian will say “I love you”. My reply is simply “I know”. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t truly know how much he cares about and loves me. While we both know that one day one of us will go through the excruciating pain of losing again, we know that to love again is well worth what we may endure. 

Here’s to many more years of loving, learning and growing. 

The Next Chapter

 

While neither one of us thought this is where we would be, nor the plans we had, we are truly humbled and blessed that God decided to give us something we never thought was humanly possible.  The chance to love again. 

Months before we started to talk we both had resigned ourselves to the fact that maybe we weren't supposed to find love again.  We had a sense of peace about being by ourselves and stopped looking for someone.  God had a much different plan.  Reflecting back I now realize that He was preparing my heart for Brian.  It didn't take long for Brian to displace all my fears of why I shouldn't open myself up to someone to love again.  

June 25th was a magical day.  Our motto for the day was "at the end of the day the result will be the same...we will be married".  It didn't matter that the glasses he bought for this special day mysteriously disappeared, or the boutineer and corsage didn't get put on his parents, or the sound system didn't work for our final dance with just the two of us in the room. We embraced the moments.  We are so thankful for all of those who were able to be a part of our day.  Here are just a few pictures that our amazing photographer took to capture the day.  If you are in need of a photographer let me know, she is detailed oriented and will capture your special events perfectly.  

Losing your spouse and then being able to find love again makes you appreciate things on a much greater level.  We are looking forward to what God has in store for us. We are truly blessed.  

May the next chapter be honoring to what God has given us.