While I started this blog originally to keep family and friends updated on Sam's progress when she started her diet, it quickly became a therapeutic outlet for me. After Steve's passing I had all these emotions and feelings surging through me and I didn't know how to handle them, what to do with them. Writing became my outlet. It was for me.....little did I know the effect it would have on others who read my words. If I have helped at least one person make their marriage better, embrace life, to let go of petty things, become a stronger person or just love more, then this has done far more than I could have ever imagined.
God has used me, used this tragedy to reach out to others going through something similar, to show anyone that when times get tough you can survive, you will survive. I know that without a doubt God has placed certain people in my life so that I can help them through their own tragedy. I don't do anything phenomenal, I just am an example of what life can be like after tragedy strikes. Sometimes I have done this gracefully, other times I have fallen flat on my face, but I get up and dust myself of and move on.
I have become an "expert" on many things because I am an "only" parent. Finances, life insurance, financial aid for college, car repairs, home repairs, investing, special diets, allergies, plus many other things. I am blessed by many mentors in all of these areas. I have learned so much and try to help others with this knowledge I gained from the school of hard knocks.
God has used this experience to change me as a person, to help me grow. I've grown in my faith, been challenged by my faith. I am hopeful I have helped others see that there are always blessings in your life, you just have to look for them. He has also helped me see the importance of relationships. I'm still navigating this area and I fail quite often. While I know the importance of relationships, I often struggle with letting people get too close to me and often do things to push people away. Is it a fear that they too will leave, I'm not sure. I just know that it's a constant battle within me. I appreciate those who have been constant and not left my side when I know that it would have been easier to leave. Learning to love myself has been a tough road, but it is getting smoother as each day passes.
Are there other purposes as to why this happened? I'm not sure. While I still have questions as to why this happened, I will have to wait to get those answers. God has a plan, I do believe that and I trust in Him. He will reveal in His timing why all this happened. For now, I will try to focus on the positive and take steps forward each day.
