Friday, July 31, 2015

Where has the Time Gone?


It is crazy to think that 1,826 days have passed since I have seen this man....5 years....it seems like just yesterday that I was getting a call from Sydney that Steve had fallen and was bleeding from the mouth. The visions of all the emergency vehicles in front of my house is one that I don't think will ever be erased.  I posted the last picture we had taken together as a family on Facebook.  I posted it because I just wanted to remind people how quickly life can change. I never thought I would be a widow with 3 small children.  The comments left were so kind and loving.  So many of them made a comment about how strong I am.  I have to chuckle because is there really any other choice when you have 3 beautiful souls watching you to see what to do next.  I am only strong because of my children, my faith and because of the people that I have surrounded myself with.  I have been blessed by some amazing people in my life.  One of the most difficult things for me to do was to reach out and ask for help.  I have always been a very independent person and asking for help to me was a sign of weakness.  I have come to the conclusion that is a falsity.  We all have a desire to feel needed and wanted.  Some people are doers and jump in and help while others wait on the sidelines to be asked...be we all have an inherent desire to feel needed.  So thank you to all those who are a part of making me the "strong" person that is seen by others.  

 One of the things I am struggling with as we come to the 5th anniversary is that I do not feel like I have accomplished much in these 5 years.  I shared these feelings with my best friend only be given a list of a few of the things I had accomplished.  While I haven't climbed a mountain or saved orphan children I need only to turn to those that have been there for me these last 5 years to be reminded of the things that I have done...

  • implemented Sam's diet and stuck with it
  • broken bones
  • teenage years
  • vacationing by myself
  • braces
  • teaching Spencer to drive
  • supporting Spencer through his trail to Eagle
  • broken bones
  • allergic reactions with no reasoning
  • diet restrictions for another child
  • mission trips
  • middle school
  • high school
  • house repairs
  • tree trimming
  • purchasing a car
  • broken bones
  • house renovations
  • Runs in Steve's honor
  • Seizures
  • Doctor appointments
  • Botox
  • did I mention broken bones?? 
  • taxi driver to practices, games, concerts 
  • cheerleader for my kids activities
  • adjusting to new curriculum and grade level 
  • and broken bones
    

This list seems small for 5 years but I was reminded that truly the most important job I have right now is to make sure my kids are ok.  I'm not sure how you define ok, but I feel like for everything my kids have gone through they are doing remarkably well.  The care and compassion that Spencer and Sydney have is unbelievable.  So while I haven't published a book or run a marathon I have devoted my heart and soul to making sure these kids are going to be ok in life....and to me that is a great accomplishment.  














Monday, July 13, 2015

I think I can, I think I can....I DID!!!!

We are approaching the 5 year anniversary of Steve's death.  There are so many memories that swirl in my mind from that time period.  One of the most prominent is hearing my children question if  we would still go on family vacations.  Steve was THE vacation planner.  I was the packer.  On July 31, 2010 I became the planner AND the packer.  I doubted myself on if I truly could plan a vacation from beginning to end.  I was blessed by some amazing friends and family to help be through this.  I vacationed with family or friends for the first 4 years....they helped me take the baby steps to help me prove to myself that I could do it on my own.  So on July 2nd the kids and I set off on our journey to Myrtle Beach.   We stopped along the way and visited friends that Steve and I both knew in college. They help keep me grounded and are such great encouragers....such a blessing.


After visiting them our journey brought us here:


The Tuesday before we left I received a phone call that they had canceled our condo.  After explaining why this trip was important to me they made it right....Actually they made it better.  This was the view from our condo.


It was so nice being on the beach.  We could go out for a few hours and then still go and do things in the area.






If we were at the condo and not on the beach, this is typically where we would find Sam.  She LOVES the water.  One day Spencer had to carry her from the ocean back to the condo because she refused to leave.  


They had quaint shopping with fun shops....we might have had a little too much fun.  













We experienced many "firsts" on this trip.  One of them being that we were on the beach watching fireworks for the 4th of July.  AMAZING!





Now see that beautiful Ferris Wheel... It was amazing to watch from the ground.   Unfortunately I have found that I do not like heights very much....I figured this out while riding it one night with my children.  They found it extremely entertaining that I was freaking out. Oh the memories we made... Spencer even videoed my moment of freaking out.  These are some pictures from before we started moving and from the top.  The one from the top is courtesy of Sydney.  




Another first was that the Spencer and Sydney went parasailing....Bucket List item checked off for them.  





 They dipped them in the water....Spencer said the water was really cold.




On our last day I was up early enough to catch this breath taking view.  Feeling very blessed for all that God has done in our lives.  





Just a few pictures right outside our condo.  Loved our time there and hope to return in the future.




On our way home we decided to make the most of it and see part of this country that we normally would not get to see.  Our first stop was in Asheville, North Carolina at the Biltmore Estate.  If you have never been here, I would highly recommend you stopping by. This amazing home was built by one of the Vanderbilts.  

Image result for biltmore estate


 Steve and I visited here when Spencer was a baby. One of the things I remember was getting ice cream.  So I treated them to ice cream once we were finished with the tour.









After we left North Carolina we drove to Tennessee and visited Andrew Jackson's home.  As we were driving along I looked down and realized that my gas light had come on.  I quickly decided to look to see how many miles I had left on that tank....the "cruising range". 
Yikes!!!!!!

We made it to the gas station and then on to The Hermitage. There truly was no comparison and  you could quickly tell that inventions truly inspired the Biltmore Estate.

Image result for andrew jackson's hermitage  



This was the hottest day of our trip and Sam was finished by the end.  This was a fun history lesson for the kids.  



Just a little break from the car ride. 


While vacationing is fun, it's always nice to be home and sleep in your own bed.  We had an amazing time and made some great memories.  I did it.... I truly did it and I hope this a trip that my kids will remember.  But if I'm honest with myself....I truly would be ok with just being the packer....but since that is no longer an option....here's to many more fun filled adventures for this crazy crew.