Strong...

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Over these past 8 months I have had several people tell me what a strong person I am. This has puzzled me for quite some time, as I don't see myself as a strong person. Because I truly believe that anyone in a situation like mine would also be considered "strong". At first I thought it was because of my children that I was perceived as "strong". When you have kids, there is no time to be a puddle on the floor. Sure I have my moments when I am puddle, but then someone needs help with homework or taken to practice or dinner and I have to continue on with life. The world doesn't stop, and maybe that is a blessing. So I finally figured it out...I am strong...strong in my faith, because without God's love and grace I truly do not know where I would be. God gives me the strength to face each day. He gives me the strength to know it's ok to cry and be sad, but not to stay stuck there. He gives me the strength to miss Steve, but know that I will see him again. And for the record, I am not strong in my faith 100% of the time and you know what God is ok with that too...because He knows I will always return to Him.

Faith is a hard thing, and I have grown in my faith through all of this because truly there was know where else to turn. Yes, I have family and friends, but God knew I needed HIM. I am still growing in my faith and will until I die. Faith is all about trust and trusting is something I have always struggled with. But truly it wasn't until Steve's death that I realized I truly have control over NOTHING!! NADA! ZILCH! God has a plan, HIS plan and I have to have faith and trust in HIM. So truly the best compliment I could get right now is for someone to say that I am strong....strong in my faith.

The Phone Calls....

The kids and I set out Sunday afternoon to go and visit my parents and sister for a few days in Oklahoma. After arriving my sister Laura and Kim both talked with their husbands to let them know they had arrived safely. It was then that it hit hard that I had no one to call and let know I had arrived safely. Typically on Spring Break the kids and I would visit my parents while Steve stayed home and worked on tax preparations....but this year, I was alone and had no one to call.

On Monday evening I had a dream...a glorious and wonderful dream. Steve called me in my dream. He told me he missed me and that he was sorry all of this had happened, but most of all he told me that he was ok. I told him that I had refinanced the house, bought a new car and that I had gotten the tax stuff sent off to Brinker already. He told me he was happy I bought the car as he wanted the kids and I to be safe. He then said "hate to cut this short, but I have a committee meeting to get to". Makes me smile to think of it right now...that last comment is SO Steve.

Not too long ago I posted this comment on Facebook "Some days all I wish is that heaven had a phone"...Thank you Lord for allowing the call to go through...It has brought so much peace to my heart.