God's Plan

The other night we were blessed to come together as a family and go visit Steve's 105 year old grandma. We sang Christmas carols to her for almost 45 minutes. I don't know who enjoys us visiting more, us, her or the other residents in the nursing home. But I have to be honest, so far this season it has been one of the most heart wrenching events for me. First let me explain something, when you sing with the Gouldsmith's you don't just sing the melody, you harmonize. When my nephews and brother in law started to harmonize their part it was then that I realized our choir was one short a choir member and that I missed hearing Steve's voice in that choir. The choir Steve sings in now, I am sure is grand, but I sure do miss his voice now. That was heart wrenching event number one.

Heart wrenching event number two came on our way home. We were all pretty quiet and teary eyed. Spencer with tears flowing like a river looked at me and said "God doesn't answer all our prayers". My heart broke, this was the first time he had questioned God's love for us. I let him talk and share his feelings. You see every night Spencers prays to keep our family safe, and well in his eyes God didn't answer his prayer. After we said prayers that night I went back to Spencer's comment about prayers not being answered and tried my best at exlaining to him my thoughts. I told him that in our minds we have a plan how our life should turn out, but God also has a plan and that we don't always understand God's plan. I was honest and told him that I didn't like God's plan for us one bit, but I also believe that things happen to us to test our faith and to help us grow in our faith. He did agree with me that we as a family have grown in faith, not just us but our extended family too. As I sit and think about this event, it makes me wonder if I am "normal". For so many people have told me that at some point I will become angry with God. I haven't hit that stage and it is hard for me to imagine, because through all of the confusing times, He is the one thing that remains constant. I know I have said this before, but I do not know where I would be without my faith.

Today is Christmas Eve and I sit and reflect on what Christmas Eve is all about. How blessed we are as a people...He came for us, He died for us so that we may have eternal life. Steve is now living that eternal life and I feel so blessed to know that I too one day will have that eternal life and be reunited with him and get to sing in the choir with him....even if all I can do is sing the melody.

May you all have a Merry Christmas and remember the true meaning of CHRISTmas.