Packing up Memories

It's been a hard weekend and it's just now that I am fully feeling the effect from everything. What started out as a simple thought has truly rocked my world. We had a free weekend so I thought I would try and get some order to our basement. You have to understand that our basement was SCARY. The first part of July we had water in the basement after a big rain storm so everything quickly got shoved and moved...and well...it hadn't been dealt with until this weekend.

The first thing we had to do was put Steve's drums in their cases. Sounds simple, but it ripped my heart out...never again will I hear him play. My only hope is that one day Spencer will pull these out and bring back some sweet memories. Then the normal cleaning, tossing, hiding things in the trash from the kids, then I would run into some sweet memory when I least expected it. Pictures, notes to him, notes written by him...I just sat at stared at his handwriting...never again will I get a note from him...Fishing things he purchased to go fishing with a buddy in Canada...also secretly hoping to get his brother and dad there...a trip that never happened, running medals and his bib numbers..something he was so passionate about...but had to give up because of his knees. Notes written to him from Spencer and Sydney, notes from family members. It is all to hard, almost crushing at times. The final thing that I found...our notebooks from A Weekend to Remember conference and in them a "love" letter we had to write to each other. I want more love letters, I want more....and I can't have it.....so tonight my heart aches...