Snow Day....

We were quite excited to get the call that we would not have school today. It's always nice extending your weekend. I held the kids off as long as I could...I have never been one to enjoy "playing" in the snow..being cold is not for me. After we got all suited up we headed out.....and then it hit me.... I went to get the shovel to start on the driveway while they played in the front yard..might as well make myself useful. For those of you who knew Steve and I mean really knew Steve, this won't surprise you...but our snow shovel, well it should have been thrown out years ago...but my frugal husband, never got rid of anything that he could still use. I just had to laugh and kept saying...we have to have another snow shovel around here somewhere. Spencer assured me we did not...and that this is what Steve always used. He even commented "now do you see why his back always hurt after he shoveled?". God love him.... I am sure that we will keep that shovel, and Spencer will use it with pride, and we will smile every time we use it, but I am seeing a new shovel in our future...Thanks Steve for the smiles today, we love and miss you lots!


If you look real close you can see that a good portion of the bottom of the shovel is missing from chipping away ice etc over the years. Love it!


Sydney was a big help too..We all pulled together and got it accomplished...crappy shovel and all..


Sam, well she wasn't much help, but she sure is cute...

Simple Things

Reaching out and helping people in need is such an awesome human characteristic that so many people have. I have been fortunate to see such a wonderful side of mankind. While I would love to write thank you notes for each and every simple act of kindness that has been shown towards the kids and myself, I truly think there would never be an end to writing them...how blessed we are. So instead I thought I would create a small list of things that have been done to show the love that God wants us to show others.

• Meals, meals and more meals
  
• House work
  
• Yard work
  
• Cleaning out the gutters
• Porch repairs
• Tax preparation
• Hanging out with the kids and playing the Wii, even if you do turn into a snowball
• Calling to see if I need bacon from Costco for Sam's diet
• Sending cards just to say you are still thinking of us
• Reminding me that I have a snow removal person, even though we haven't seen snow.
• Feeding Sam when you are with me, just to give me a break
• Stepping in when you see that I am getting frustrated
• Taking my kids to events with you to give them some special time
• Picking my kids up from school so I can do lesson plans or run errands
• Taking Spencer and Sydney to school so I can get Sam to her school and therapies
• Taking Sam to her school and therapies when I have other obligations
• Decorating
• Organizing the marathon teams
• Texting me just to say you are thinking of us
• Helping fix my car when it needs repaired
• Letting Spencer and Sydney hang out at your house on early release days
• Asking "how are you?" and really meaning it
• Praying, Praying, Praying
• Winterizing my lawn mower...who knew???
• Donations
• Changing my furnace filter
• Being our Secret Santa
• Sending a message of Facebook to make me smile
• Giving us wood for our fireplace so we could carrying on the tradition of a fire on Christmas morning.
• Loving us, through the good and bad times
• Taking Spencer and Sydney to and from their activities to help me out
• Being a listening ear, but understanding when I need to be left alone
• Helping me through the things Steve used to take care of...the trust, will, life insurance, tax questions, banking issues....the list could go on and on.
• Fixing my garbage disposal
• Helping make meals for Sam
• Replacing my kitchen faucet
• Going to the kids doctor appointments with me to have an extra set of ears
• Helping with blood draws with Sam...sigh....
• Buying Sam her special gum because you know how she loves her gum
• Fixing my air conditioning on a 100+ degree day
• Just stopping by and hanging out, no expectations, just sit and hang out

This is just a small list...amazing...but truly what I hope people take away from this is that there are many others like me out there...not just a widow, but a person in need...what can you do to help that person in need?

A letter to mom from Sydney....

Dear Mom,
I love you very much!! I know losing dad is so hard living without him. You know what, he will always be with you and in your heart <3. I know what happened was very unexpected. I know it was a hard Christmas for our whole family.

Love you

Love Sydney



Well said Sydney, well said...

God's Plan

The other night we were blessed to come together as a family and go visit Steve's 105 year old grandma. We sang Christmas carols to her for almost 45 minutes. I don't know who enjoys us visiting more, us, her or the other residents in the nursing home. But I have to be honest, so far this season it has been one of the most heart wrenching events for me. First let me explain something, when you sing with the Gouldsmith's you don't just sing the melody, you harmonize. When my nephews and brother in law started to harmonize their part it was then that I realized our choir was one short a choir member and that I missed hearing Steve's voice in that choir. The choir Steve sings in now, I am sure is grand, but I sure do miss his voice now. That was heart wrenching event number one.

Heart wrenching event number two came on our way home. We were all pretty quiet and teary eyed. Spencer with tears flowing like a river looked at me and said "God doesn't answer all our prayers". My heart broke, this was the first time he had questioned God's love for us. I let him talk and share his feelings. You see every night Spencers prays to keep our family safe, and well in his eyes God didn't answer his prayer. After we said prayers that night I went back to Spencer's comment about prayers not being answered and tried my best at exlaining to him my thoughts. I told him that in our minds we have a plan how our life should turn out, but God also has a plan and that we don't always understand God's plan. I was honest and told him that I didn't like God's plan for us one bit, but I also believe that things happen to us to test our faith and to help us grow in our faith. He did agree with me that we as a family have grown in faith, not just us but our extended family too. As I sit and think about this event, it makes me wonder if I am "normal". For so many people have told me that at some point I will become angry with God. I haven't hit that stage and it is hard for me to imagine, because through all of the confusing times, He is the one thing that remains constant. I know I have said this before, but I do not know where I would be without my faith.

Today is Christmas Eve and I sit and reflect on what Christmas Eve is all about. How blessed we are as a people...He came for us, He died for us so that we may have eternal life. Steve is now living that eternal life and I feel so blessed to know that I too one day will have that eternal life and be reunited with him and get to sing in the choir with him....even if all I can do is sing the melody.

May you all have a Merry Christmas and remember the true meaning of CHRISTmas.

I have learned...

There has been so much that I have learned through this horrible tragedy. So much about myself and so much about others.

I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, yet can crumble in a moments notice.

I have learned that many people reach out and lend a helping hand, while other sit by because they don't know how to offer help. Neither being right or wrong, just things that I have noticed.

I have learned that many people don't know what to say, and so some times they say dumb things that they later wish they could take back.

I have learned that people are funny creatures...we are all so unique with the way that we respond to others. There have been many times that I have been humbled beyond words to the generosity of those around us and frustrated by others because of their lack of compassion for those with an aching heart.

I have learned to let go of the little things that used to bother me, and trust me there is plenty...as I feel like I could author a book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff", but that has already been written..

I have learned that I have to follow my heart and do what is right for myself and for my children, even if that isn't "popular" with everyone.

I have learned that I must continue to live in faith, even when it is hard.

I have learned to ask for help when I need it most and to accept help when it is offered.

But the main thing I have learned is that this is not a process but a journey....a journey that will have many detours, bumps, and break downs, but with God's grace we will make it through.

Happy Birthday Day Spencer!!

In honor of Spencer's 12th birthday on 12-12 here are 12 things I LOVE about him....

1. The silly noises he makes with his mouth
2. His bright blue eyes
3. Him using his code of "5638 U"
4. How he adores Sam
5. His willingness to play with Sydney, even if it doesn't interest him
6. His great love for God and the quest to understand and grow in his faith
7. His practical jokes, knock knock jokes and just plain silliness
8. The fact that he always give 110% and wants to do his best at whatever he tackles
9. The way he squeezes my hand when tears suddenly spring to my eyes
10. His tender heart and how quickly he can forgive
11. How he loves to help others
12. How much he looks and reminds me of his dad...sigh....

Spencer as I read through this list it makes me cry for many reasons. One, because you are growing up so quick and I wonder where the time has gone. It seems like just yesterday you were dressing up in your snow gear, but only you were a fireman and you were putting out fires in my kitchen. There are so many great memories that I have of you, and truly I am enjoying watching you grow and mature into a wonderful young man. Another reason it makes me cry is because so many things on the list remind me of who your dad was, I am blessed to have a little piece of him here on earth still by having you. Please know that even though your dad is no longer with us physically, that he will always be with us. You are an amazing young man and I want you to know that we have always been proud of you. I love you more than you will ever know. Happy Birthday Buddy!

The Dance

Many nights are spent reading various things on the Internet. I belong to many blogs, one being called the Widow's Voice. Never thought I would be reading a blog about being a widow, well not at age 40... Anyway, many touch my heart, some make me sad for the people who write them as they seem so bitter and so lost. Tonight, as I read the blog, it was as if I could have written it...with a few minor changes...so rather than trying to recreate the "wheel", I thought I would give you the link.. http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/2010/12/pain-vs.html

May you have many dances in your life and may God bless you abundantly.