Where has the Time Gone?

It is crazy to think that 1,826 days have passed since I have seen this man....5 years....it seems like just yesterday that I was getting a call from Sydney that Steve had fallen and was bleeding from the mouth. The visions of all the emergency vehicles in front of my house is one that I don't think will ever be erased.  I posted the last picture we had taken together as a family on Facebook.  I posted it because I just wanted to remind people how quickly life can change. I never thought I would be a widow with 3 small children.  The comments left were so kind and loving.  So many of them made a comment about how strong I am.  I have to chuckle because is there really any other choice when you have 3 beautiful souls watching you to see what to do next.  I am only strong because of my children, my faith and because of the people that I have surrounded myself with.  I have been blessed by some amazing people in my life.  One of the most difficult things for me to do was to reach out and ask for help.  I have always been a very independent person and asking for help to me was a sign of weakness.  I have come to the conclusion that is a falsity.  We all have a desire to feel needed and wanted.  Some people are doers and jump in and help while others wait on the sidelines to be asked...be we all have an inherent desire to feel needed.  So thank you to all those who are a part of making me the "strong" person that is seen by others.  

 One of the things I am struggling with as we come to the 5th anniversary is that I do not feel like I have accomplished much in these 5 years.  I shared these feelings with my best friend only be given a list of a few of the things I had accomplished.  While I haven't climbed a mountain or saved orphan children I need only to turn to those that have been there for me these last 5 years to be reminded of the things that I have done...

• implemented Sam's diet and stuck with it
• broken bones
• teenage years
• vacationing by myself
• braces
• teaching Spencer to drive
• supporting Spencer through his trail to Eagle
• broken bones
• allergic reactions with no reasoning
• diet restrictions for another child
• mission trips
• middle school
• high school
• house repairs
• tree trimming
• purchasing a car
• broken bones
• house renovations
• Runs in Steve's honor
• Seizures
• Doctor appointments
• Botox
• did I mention broken bones?? 
• taxi driver to practices, games, concerts 
• cheerleader for my kids activities
• adjusting to new curriculum and grade level 
• and broken bones

    

This list seems small for 5 years but I was reminded that truly the most important job I have right now is to make sure my kids are ok.  I'm not sure how you define ok, but I feel like for everything my kids have gone through they are doing remarkably well.  The care and compassion that Spencer and Sydney have is unbelievable.  So while I haven't published a book or run a marathon I have devoted my heart and soul to making sure these kids are going to be ok in life....and to me that is a great accomplishment.