It's been one of those days that you wish you would get a letter in the mail warning you about... Crappy day on April 22nd take precaution. But it doesn't work that way.... Please don't send me messages and tell me how blessed I am...I know I am, but I am also entitled to crappy days every once in awhile, as I am human.
Today we celebrated the life of one of the most amazing women I know. She is the one that drew Steve into the praise band at church, that helped him find one of his many passions. I truly think that by Steve becoming a part of this wonderful group it was the pivital point in our faith journey. It is what got us hooked on being a part of something bigger. For that I am so blessed.
As we celebrated her life it was one of the most painful experiences that I have sat through...as I sat in that same place almost 2 years ago. My heart ached...ached on so many levels....ached for her husband, children, parents, family, friends and for her church family as well. But ached because I stood there by myself feeling this pain...while having Spencer and Sydney there was comforting, it by no means is any comparison to having that person standing by you that KNOWS you from the inside out and hurts because you hurt. I miss that, I miss that more than I ever care to let on..... It made me want to scream this is not the life I had envisioned for myself or for my children. This sucks!!! I know I am not in control and that I don't always know what the big picture looks like, and I say this because I know God can take it and will still love me any way....as long as I don't stay stuck here. I miss him.....miss the connections....miss him.
Expierencing my own kind of loss Melissa, it made me so mad. I know what it feels like not to have that person there with me and for me to hold me and comfort me. My heart just aches, I know it will get better, it does sucks. Take care.
ReplyDeleteKarie
I felt a portion of your pain today. I knew when I came over at the end of the service just how difficult the last 2 hours had been for you, which is why I just sat there behind you silently waiting. I know this next week will also be a difficult one for you. Just know that I am still sitting here behind you silently when you need a friend.
ReplyDeleteTammie
I am thinking of you and your family also Melissa. My heart still aches for you and although you are SOOOO strong I know that you have a lot of lonely times. My prayer for you is
ReplyDeletefor comfort.
You ARE entitled to a crappy day, so don't feel guilty or upset that you have one...you've been through a lot over the last few years, and Lori's celebration had to bring a lot of the painful emotions back to the surface. You never signed on for the journey that you find yourself on, but always remember that you're walking down that path the best way you can. Hang in there! :)
ReplyDeleteWhoever says these things happen for a reason is crazy. It isn't fair,and it hurts. I am so glad you are able to be grateful for the times you had together and have your kids, work and faith to keep you moving forward. I am so proud to call you my friend and wish I could take your pain away.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Kristin
You are in my prayers. I wish I could magically take away any future crappy days for you but unfortunately that isn't posssible. Just always remember that there are some of us out here constantly praying for you on this journey.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your writings. I read them to help me understand what widows go through so I can be a better friend to my friend who has lost her husband this past week. You have amazing friends and I pray I can do the same. Please keep writing. You are helping people as you do.
ReplyDelete