6 Months Today

Enough said....

It was a God thing

Last night was the annual Lee's Summit Chamber of Commerce Dinner. It was in 2004 that Steve was named their New Member of the Year. He loved the Chamber and devoted many countless hours to serving on many committees. I was invited by a dear soul to be a guest at her table. I wasn't quite sure if I was up for the challenge, but she persisted and persuaded me I should be there. I was escorted by my wonderful brother in law Ed. Thanks for being my "date". After the dinner and auction they began their awards. When it came time for the new member of the year they announced that the awards name had been changed to the Steve Gouldsmith New Member of the Year award. And the winner was.....Marcus Henley...doesn't mean much to most of you, but to me, it meant everything. Marcus is the dad to one of the sweetest and most hard working students I have ever had. They are truly an amazing Christian family that always shared their faith with me, and for that I am blessed. This is where God intervened...you see out of the hundreds of people it could have been, the award went to someone I KNEW. As he walked to the stage to receive his award tears streamed down my face. I hate the fact that Steve is gone but truly I could not think of a better person to receive this award and I am proud to know that my husband's name will live on. Congratulations Marcus! It truly was a God thing....

And to Lynn, thank your for making me go...I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world. You see, in 2004, I was not at the dinner and Steve received his award. I have felt guilty about it for such a long time. Even though it was a joint decision for me to stay at home with the kids so we didn't have to pay a babysitter, I still feel guilt. Thank you Lynn, for helping me heal a little. You are a wonderful person, and I am blessed to call you my friend.

Thank you also to the wonderful people at the Chamber. You are an amazing organization and I fully understand why Steve was so committed to helping the Chamber grow.

How Do You Prepare Someone from Widow's Voice

Again, I have to post a link to a blog that I read on a daily basis called "Widows Voice". I sat reading this and kept shaking my head in agreeance. So rather than reinventing the wheel I thought I would share the link...

http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-do-you-prepare-someone.html

There is no I in Team

Today we had Samantha's follow up with neurology for her 6 month check up since starting the diet...6 months...so that means HE has been gone 6 months, as he died 2 days after coming home from the hospital after we started the diet.

The visit went well, we will make a few tweaks to her diet in order to gain better seizure control...still have at least 10 seizures a day, but a huge improvement from the 100+ we were seeing before the diet started. I am thankful that Linda, my sister in law, was able to be there with me, it helps having someone with a medical background with you, but also to have someone help you remember everything they tell you in those appointments. We also learned that we will be in the gum making business....you see I was told that there was some gum that she could have, and long story short in order for her to have the gum, we have to make it so that it uses flavoring and sweetener that is carb free. No worries...it's a kit that we purchase, mix up, add our flavoring and then mold. Will keep you posted on how that goes for us...I'm sure that will be a post all in itself!

The appointments are hard for many reasons, but the main being, I didn't sign up to do this diet on my own...It was going to be a team effort and well, you know the rest of the story---there is no I in team. The appointments are only harsh reminders of what has happened.

Two steps forward, one step back

I know that this will be the theme of our lives for quite sometime. You see we do pretty good for awhile and the BAM something out of the blue hits us. That is what happened the other night. Spencer was helping pick up the family room and turned around and said to me "I am glad we had dad cremated". BAM...where did that come from, I stood there not knowing what to say, so I listened, and I am glad I did. He proceeded to tell me that he was glad for several reasons. One, it was what Steve had wanted. Another reason was because he didn't want to go anywhere to grieve, and that he was glad he could grieve here at home. The last reason was one that I had really never thought about, he said that he was glad Steve was here at home with us because then on holidays we wouldn't have to go to the cemetery to visit him. WOW! His insight continues to amaze me. We all sat on the couch crying and sharing, sharing and crying and Sam got up and gave each of us a Kleenex...what a sweet soul. She may appear not to understand much, but this goes to show you that she understands much more than we may realize.

Tonight was another night about sharing. We were driving and talking about how life had changed and I told Spencer that it scares me to think that I have to do this whole parenting thing by myself, because parents often worry that they are going to do something wrong and mess up their child's life. I told him that once he got married and had children he would understand. He just looked at me with the most innocent eyes and said, "that is a worry I have, getting married and losing my wife too soon." Something I had never thought of, but how do you ease those fears. I can't tell him it won't happen, because who would have ever thought it would happen to us?? So I tell him the only thing I know and that is to trust God and know that even if their time is cut short his life will have been blessed.

As much as it pains me to see my children hurting it also is comforting to me that they share with me their inner most feelings. So we had a little detour and I am sure there will be more along this road, but I am so glad that we could sit and chat about it and know that we are here for each other....always.

Snow Day....

We were quite excited to get the call that we would not have school today. It's always nice extending your weekend. I held the kids off as long as I could...I have never been one to enjoy "playing" in the snow..being cold is not for me. After we got all suited up we headed out.....and then it hit me.... I went to get the shovel to start on the driveway while they played in the front yard..might as well make myself useful. For those of you who knew Steve and I mean really knew Steve, this won't surprise you...but our snow shovel, well it should have been thrown out years ago...but my frugal husband, never got rid of anything that he could still use. I just had to laugh and kept saying...we have to have another snow shovel around here somewhere. Spencer assured me we did not...and that this is what Steve always used. He even commented "now do you see why his back always hurt after he shoveled?". God love him.... I am sure that we will keep that shovel, and Spencer will use it with pride, and we will smile every time we use it, but I am seeing a new shovel in our future...Thanks Steve for the smiles today, we love and miss you lots!


If you look real close you can see that a good portion of the bottom of the shovel is missing from chipping away ice etc over the years. Love it!


Sydney was a big help too..We all pulled together and got it accomplished...crappy shovel and all..


Sam, well she wasn't much help, but she sure is cute...

Simple Things

Reaching out and helping people in need is such an awesome human characteristic that so many people have. I have been fortunate to see such a wonderful side of mankind. While I would love to write thank you notes for each and every simple act of kindness that has been shown towards the kids and myself, I truly think there would never be an end to writing them...how blessed we are. So instead I thought I would create a small list of things that have been done to show the love that God wants us to show others.

• Meals, meals and more meals
  
• House work
  
• Yard work
  
• Cleaning out the gutters
• Porch repairs
• Tax preparation
• Hanging out with the kids and playing the Wii, even if you do turn into a snowball
• Calling to see if I need bacon from Costco for Sam's diet
• Sending cards just to say you are still thinking of us
• Reminding me that I have a snow removal person, even though we haven't seen snow.
• Feeding Sam when you are with me, just to give me a break
• Stepping in when you see that I am getting frustrated
• Taking my kids to events with you to give them some special time
• Picking my kids up from school so I can do lesson plans or run errands
• Taking Spencer and Sydney to school so I can get Sam to her school and therapies
• Taking Sam to her school and therapies when I have other obligations
• Decorating
• Organizing the marathon teams
• Texting me just to say you are thinking of us
• Helping fix my car when it needs repaired
• Letting Spencer and Sydney hang out at your house on early release days
• Asking "how are you?" and really meaning it
• Praying, Praying, Praying
• Winterizing my lawn mower...who knew???
• Donations
• Changing my furnace filter
• Being our Secret Santa
• Sending a message of Facebook to make me smile
• Giving us wood for our fireplace so we could carrying on the tradition of a fire on Christmas morning.
• Loving us, through the good and bad times
• Taking Spencer and Sydney to and from their activities to help me out
• Being a listening ear, but understanding when I need to be left alone
• Helping me through the things Steve used to take care of...the trust, will, life insurance, tax questions, banking issues....the list could go on and on.
• Fixing my garbage disposal
• Helping make meals for Sam
• Replacing my kitchen faucet
• Going to the kids doctor appointments with me to have an extra set of ears
• Helping with blood draws with Sam...sigh....
• Buying Sam her special gum because you know how she loves her gum
• Fixing my air conditioning on a 100+ degree day
• Just stopping by and hanging out, no expectations, just sit and hang out

This is just a small list...amazing...but truly what I hope people take away from this is that there are many others like me out there...not just a widow, but a person in need...what can you do to help that person in need?