I Can't Fix This

A few weeks ago while scrolling through Facebook I came across an article by a widow entitled "I Can't Fix This".  I sat reading it, nodding and crying. There are moments in our life that I can't fix for my children and it's crushing.  One of those times happened this past weekend and I know several more will happen in the months to come as we are crossing some huge milestones.

Spencer attended his Senior Prom.  He was absolutely debonair. Looking at him was painful in a way for me as it reminded me so much of his dad.  I was so proud of myself as I held my composure....until I got in the car.  It seems I have many of conversations with Steve while driving.  This one went something like this..."You missed it...one of the biggest moments in his life, and you missed it.  You would be so proud of him.  He has turned into quite the gentleman."

This one...Wow...how much he resembles his dad.



Why I thought I was going to be the only one having a melt down I am not sure.  Spencer's came on Sunday as he was reflecting on his weekend.  His heart was probably heavier than mine....and I couldn't fix it...and that absolutely is one of the worst feelings. One of the things he said to me that truly knocked the wind out of me was when he said "dad doesn't know who I am".  What a true statement.  Spencer was a mere 11 when his dad passed, a child.  He is now a young adult with so much more experience and responsibility.  While he knows a pain most children his age do not, he also knows how to rise above situations and to make the most out of things.  He knows how to express what he is feeling and embraces those feelings.  He knows how to question things and knows that life is unfair but it is what you make of it that counts.  He knows that without a doubt his dad loved him with all his heart.  But most of all, Spencer knows how to love and what is most important in this life...and that is relationships.

As we approach graduation I know there are going to be many more moments that I can't fix. Spencer and I have decided to embrace what we can't change and try to make his dad a part of these moments in a fun way.  So if you see those disgusting orange circus peanuts at his graduation party you will know it's in honor of his dad.  Who knows maybe we will serve QuickTrip taquitos!